Sunday, January 08, 2006

Chiron, the Wounded Healer

Discovering the position of Chiron in my natal sidereal horoscope, according to Astrology for Windows, I find it interestingly enough sitting square in Capricorn in my 6th house, where I did not think I had any planets at all! That explains my drive towards wanting to find myself of service in a healing area, one way or another: exalted by house-position, if not sign! i.e. "If you have love, you will do all things well" - Thomas Merton. Control often an issue - either too much or too little little! Difficulty 'digesting' life-experience, needing to chew on a hurtful experience for years, replaying every nuance. Fritz Perls, one of my heroes[!], had Chiron in Virgo: attention to here-and-now details in counselling process a major value, and possibly strength, of mine? Emotional issues mirrored directly through physical symptoms, e.g. feeling physically cold when emotionally 'out in the cold'; loathing or feeling embarrassed about some parts of body; possibility of eating disorders. Able to organise for others, but not themselves; can seem 'spaced out', disorganized, chaotic, but also mediumistic - ask Usch! lol Bernadette of Lourdes also had Chiron in Virgo. Experience of 'sterility' in some way, even when able to produce, particularly re perfectionism in art. Periodic sense of martyrdom and accompanying guilt and blame. 12th/Piscean activities facilitate healing: solitude, finding oneself near sea, or getting drunk! lol Black Madonna, interestingly, has this sign, as bridge between earlier pagan fertility cults and more recent images of Virgin Mary, and I did repaint my T-shirt of her to make her even blacker! lol Affinities with religions on the cusp of Christianity and paganism... *raised eyebrow here* ;-)) Profound healing around the acceptance of both the Virgin and the Whore, i.e. "will the real whore of Babylon please stand up?" as I have challenged people on email lists in the past! lol May freeze up physically or emotionally, withdrawing from sexual relationships altogether...hmm *raised eyebrow again*. Pseudo-Platonic relationships with men, i.e. have fallen hopelessly and unrequitedly in love with the 'terminally unavailable', priests, gays, married men, not to mention B-E himself! Temple priestess a guiding image for this placement; spirituality exalting the body, not mortifying it ;-))
"But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not
Limp before the lame, deeming it kindness." (
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.)
Parental issues; attitudes towards authority figures coloured by experience of mother. Difficulty in setting goals, and finding place in society. May need patience in longing for a vocation, which may only come later in life, preceded by false starts. Plagued with feelings of failure, no matter how successful we appear. We may in fact feel driven to fail to disappoint our parents, and this may amount to our first success! lol Seeming to lack a sense of responsibility; on a deeper level, assuming responsibility for things over which we have no control. Looking for someone to take care of us (shades of 4th house). A natural sense of authority and dignity inviting respect, although can sometimes sabotage self on the brink of success. Woundedness in relationship with personal father, and thus the father principle in general. Struggling against his model, yet finding wounded or authoritarian father within own psyche (why else did I put him, in a photo, as the Wounded King, Hanged Man, in my own Tarot?). Wounding mother and absent father: tremendous toll on own feeling of self-worth; struggling not to repeat patterns inherited from mother; common placement for those in the healing field - attempting to become a 'good mother' oneself ;-P
It also squares the Moon in the 8th house in Aries (which I previously thought unaspected!), so you can work out for yourselves what that says about my relationship with my mother... lol! Feeling rejected by mother, who wanted a son. Trying to 'do it better than mother; devastated when own child also feels wounded. More aware of emotional needs of others than own; instinctively knowing what others need in order to feel comfortable; resentful, wondering who looks after oneself? Only feeling strong in role of caretaker. Surprised when others manage without you! Good-mothering instincts turned outwards, bad mothering reserved for self. Ecstasy, holistic awareness, intuition; destructive irrationality as militant subjectivity, resistance to order or discipline. May spoil relationships with emotional outbursts. The Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa also have/had this aspect!
It also trines Venus in Taurus in the 9th: obviously I experience both woundedness and healing through relationships with others... Seeing beauty where others fail to notice it. Intensely personal values, clung to with great tenacity. Venusian interests can assume philosophical and political dimensions: women's rights, racial harmony, the arts. Sense of deja-vu in relationships; intense and synchronous encounters. Sensitive to disharmony between people; may become involved in others' disputes, and take them personally. Unconsciously feeling responsible for bringing love and harmony into life? Can stay in almost intolerable situations of disharmony, hoping to bring harmony and reconciliation. Baptism of fire in first intimate relationships. Incurably romantic, isolated and disappointed when life fails to measure up. Ideals betray us, rather than friends or lovers? Questing after unattainable people, enjoying bitter-sweet pain of emotional dramas, impossible situations, tragedy and unrequited love. Vulnerable to financial, sexual, emotional exploitation. Obsessed with physical appearance; signs of ageing distressing. Themes of the myth of Psyche and Eros (long one of my favorites, inspiring both poetry and a painting I actually sold)! Aphrodite = the negative aspects of matriarchal consciousness - an envious mother goddess who refuses to release her son (i.e. the mother-in-law from hell!). Difficulties with an envious mother or sisters - or envy of them? Loss of innocence -> growth into personal identity; gain in compassion and consciousness. 'In love with love' -> falling to earth with a bump! Clinging relentlessly to illusions as Eros disappears into the sky... Having to rebuild lives from scratch, more than once!
Other aspects: Sun quintile Chiron (wound to the sense of individuality, 'soleness' and purpose: may make someone else the centre of our universe! We then promote their interests and help them to shine; able to foster the talents and self-expression of others; may discount own worth, feeling despair and envy; lacking confidence in 'masculine side'; preoccupied with finding the 'right man'; father both absent and, present, violent! Tendency to attract 'lame ducks', needing support, who then wound); Chiron quincunx Ascendant; trine moon's node (conjunct Venus).
Chiron/Chiron transits:
first Chiron/Chiron square, in Aries, June 1979 - militantly campaigning for Nicaraguan revolution as part of 'solidarity committee' in Germany - and we did succeed in helping to bring democracy to Nicaragua at that time!
Chiron/Chiron opposition, July 1992: had just returned from trip with Joshua to visit Dad in Amsterdam;
second Chiron/Chiron square, in Libra: first trip to Norway, 3 weeks' 'blissful honeymoon' and then feeling suicidal as he sent me back here (Chiron also slowing down and going from retrograde to direct at this time: retrograde whole period since we first 'met' online, and got engaged);
Chiron return, or Chiron/Chiron conjunction:
approaching it mid-next year, but retrograde; proper "return" = Feb. 2007.
At the present time, it also finds itself transited by Uranus, with Neptune approaching, in the same house ;-P
Bjorn Erik's, as far as I know (not sure of birth time), finds itself in the 5th, in Pisces: interesting self-expression through poetry there (wish he had have made more of his music!)... Also a hidden woundedness in the area of sexuality, masked by drugs and alcohol? Can lead to a 'celibate'-type marriage, what with my Sun conjunct his Saturn, despite our lunar conjunction, and my Venus in his 7th - deep feelings, and mutual attraction, also a lasting relationship (lunar conjunction), although unable to continue to express it physically. My Chiron finds itself in his 3rd, suggesting our more "sisterly" relationship, in the end...
"From what I have observed Chiron co-rules Sagittarius with Jupiter and is in detriment in Gemini; it is exalted in Virgo and has its fall in Pisces. (...)when in fall a planet is like an exile: its qualities have no home; they are under stress and unhappy, and consequently may express themselves in a weakened, distorted or negative way", Melanie Reinhart, Chiron and the Healing Journey (p. 87). Chiron in fall in Pisces: "swept away by the connection with the numinous realm that is natural to them: inflation, confusion and sacrificial distortions (...)need for individuality... not easily met in Pisces (...) dissolution, and emotional chaos (...)lack of a suitable vehicle to express the depth of their compassion for others." (p.91) He learnt early that what he expressed found no welcome by his parents (as in the moving poem about the vision of the 'Bethlehem star'; later on, he could experience "inexplicable terror, creative blocks, resistance and inner conflict" around creativity. Lack of confidence, especially in visual arts, with unconscious desire to be a superstar (hence his devaluing my illustrations of his poems, saying his poems amounted to the most important part of our collaboration, whereas I saw them as very much complementary; boasting in front of mirror; self-expression can seem "raw, visceral and unconcerned with what others may think"; wish for beauty, fame, adulation denied; curse of envy of the better-talented; perpetuating sense of woundedness by hiding creative aspirations (although I for one always encouraged him in this!); unable to have children, although greatly desiring them; severely depressed when he realised I had passed childbearing age; he needs art therapy, if anyone does, but possibly the least likely to take advantage of it, even if offered; tragic hero, preoccupied with own pain, inner dramas and tragedy; repressive and negative experiences in childhood home, connected with father -> restrictive and punishing superego, wounding internal critic spoiling the joy of life... Deception, emotional manipulativeness and genuine transcendental experiences can weave together in a confusing blend. Inner order threatened time and time again by inner chaos. Difficulty with angry feelings regarding parent figures. Life of imagination totally real, especially when young. Lacking Virgoan discrimination of different levels of reality; may become confused, alienated. Can also retreat into uncomfortable Virgoan pragmatism, cynicism and hyper-rationality (esp. with Libra stellium!). Deeply fearing experience of surrender and dissolution, but feeling cut off from oneness with humanity because of it. Personal wounds will remain unseen, if we remain preoccupied with suffering of world at large. Burden of unjustified, 'Christlike' suffering. Deep wound connected with grief; chronic 'existential grief'. Archetypal rather than personal feelings. Traumas of blocked grief and incomplete mourning. Tragic or unrequited love. Many musicians, including blues singers; Martin Luther King, JFK: things often not quite as they appear, beneath an idealistic and charismatic exterior!

The lion sits within his cage
Weeping tears of ruby rage
(Stevie Smith, 'The Zoo') ;-P

2 Comments:

Blogger mythosandbios said...

Sheesh!

I ran away from home for my Chiron return .... but then I would ... I have Chiron in Sagittarius in the 9th House ... so what else was I gonna do! And fell completely in love with a French Sag who had been travelling the 'long road' (sans sword) LOL!

Very healing, those Chiron returns ... if you manage to actually live through them.

11:35 am  
Blogger Sebastian Aristos said...

It looks like Astrology for Windows has created a monster ! Sometimes, I must confess, astrology seems too complex for me to make much sense of it. Thank goodness you got a more sensible comment from Mythos than this from me ! I did read it all though, and was interested in the analysis of both you and Bjorn-Eric.

7:07 pm  

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