Saturday, May 07, 2005

If I dream it hard enough, does it become real?

In my dream, my 'parents' really have adopted me, and I find myself somewhere in country NSW, looking for my birth mum, Mary Drums, of Bathurst...
As you can see, I do not have an allergy to or phobia about the idea of motherhood in general; if I dream it hard enough, can I really give myself memories of my mum as one Mary Drums of Bathurst? Chaos magick would suggest yes...This dream seems oddly resonant with today's cyber-Tarot: "Seven of Swords (Futility): An opportunity to withdraw from a hopeless situation and fight another day. Disengagement from a struggle you should never have been involved in. A desperate attempt to resolve a matter without conflict. The use of cleverness or outright deception to turn the tide in your favor." Interestingly, I have always associated the 7 of Swords with a question of lack of trust; I want to dream myself a mother I can trust, and believe in; and "drums" suggests Whale medicine too, as in my maternal medicine, the whale song representing the real heartbeat of mother earth that everyone could once hear even inland, or perhaps distant memories of the mother's heart beating when we found ourselves in the womb: this month I find myself in the womb of my new dream-birth-mother, having died to the old. 7 of Swords also suggests the old one should never have borne me anyway: some kind of karmic mixup, as in also in the wrong country? If you find these ramblings weird, just wait till tomorrow (Mother's Day): they will get even weirder. Interestingly, Mary Drums does have the same initials as my old mum, and her first name equates to my old mum's, which appears in the Irish form Moyra; 'Bathurst' relates to my earliest memory, of the baby bath, which seems possibly a memory of a memory, from watching my (old or former) mum bathe my sisters? Or possibly a Catholic baptismal trauma, which someone described on wyrd_crossings yesterday, in the case of one of her own kids? "Drumming up" memories of Mary...
"Dream Harder" (Mike Scott and the Waterboys), also the title of one of our favorite Mike Scott albums in Norway, seems a literal challenge today ;-))

2 Comments:

Blogger Sebastian Aristos said...

You appeared in my dreams again last night, Claire. I dreamed we were at a friend's place, and you had to leave because you had a night class with your mother. It was between 10 and 10:15pm, and it was to learn how to put lipstick on.

I wonder what this means for either you or me ? Who knows ?

10:32 am  
Blogger asgif666 said...

Have replied to this in email, ok? ;-))

12:33 pm  

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