Thursday, March 31, 2005

Really, really funny real-life questions about Australia ;-))

>Saw this on another group and thought a few of you might appreciate it. I can only hope that this really DID appear on an Australian tourism website. I'd like to think of it as your Dumbass Prevention System.*sigh* Now, if only we could get something similar implemented over here, there might be fewer stupid questions from the US on the list. ;) - Bridgett

"These are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a snide sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking."

lmao! Talk about ask some silly questions...! How much can a koala bear? *sides aching from laughing* Mind you, Australians do have the best sense of humor in the world, I think I can safely boast? I couldn't find my reading glasses this morning: thought a cronopio must have come in during the night and stolen them; then I found them, on the washing-up rack: the cronopio thought they needed hanging out to dry? *wonder what the news flash about the immanentization of the eschaton contained... for real!*
But the cronopios for one thing sure seem more active, and restless (never mind the Drop Bears, lol! Q. How can you tell the difference between Australia and Argentina? A. We have Drop Bears and they have cronopios; don't cry for me, Marge-and-Tina! But our Drop Bears sadly seem endangered, because they can't seem to find enough of their select type of eucalyptus leaves any more, on which they like to get stoned, hence their sleepy, heavy-lidded expressions, whereas the cronopios seem to amount to plague or epidemic proportions)... "I see movement at the station, for the cronopios have got out..." Someone translate that into Spanish and get this blog rolling! Or on the other hand, someone just shoot me? Don't you hate the morning after a "green fairy" night? Maybe the cronopios take over where the rabbit of the apocalypse left off, in the grand scheme of things ('Aeon', according to the wyrd_crossings Gestalt glossary), but at least the internal servitors seem to be behaving themselves today, and not like the gremlins of yesterday. So it does pay to be kind to your internal servitors, and feed them a hint of cached cookie once in a while, not to mention a little sip of the green fairy now and then, on special occasions... Oh, and btw, snowstone had a pretty cool theory about the white rabbit in the Matrix. *wonder if all these cryptic references will attract some strange traffic to my blog, i.e. make it a 'strange attractor', in the chaos theory sense?*

Virgo rising:
I find myself in a period where relationships have their ups and downs. My reactions to people must become steady and rational. Self-examination will show that powerful triggers tend to make me behave strangely... Behave strangely? Moi? ;-))

2 Comments:

Blogger Sebastian Aristos said...

Thanks for that bit of fun. I got a few laughs out of it too.

Regarding your horoscope reading, is alcohol considered a powerful trigger that makes you behave strangely ?

Congratulations on the 'blogrolling' thing, but I think where you've put both it and the bravenet horoscope thing have caused you to join the 'drop club' on my PC as well. (Watch out for the 'drop bears')

7:02 pm  
Blogger asgif666 said...

Yikes, watch out not only for Drop Bears, but also rolling Tarot thingies? I constantly reinvent this blogspot, you know, with or without the help of alcohol...lol

8:53 pm  

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