Monday, February 28, 2005

Blue Resonant Eagle

In my dream it is as if I am reconciled with someone who is Russell, but doesn't look like him; he is charming in a Hannibal-Lecter kind of way, and has me lying on some sort of table, looking up a magnificent baroque ceiling, with a skylight, which is supposedly in the Uffizi Gallery, Florence [just re-read Hannibal!]; it is peaceful, uplifting and beautiful... Then there is a confused bit in Melbourne, involving much chopping and changing of trams, and being impossibly late...
I decide to shuffle my Tarot deck this morning, as opposed to just taking the card off the top, as usual, because in yesterday's Tarot adventures I saw the Ace of Cups stranded on the bottom, and didn't want it to remain there... Lo and behold! the card I drew was my Ace of Cups (who said we don't make our own reality?), so, after yesterday's cup fiasco, the angel cup is still with me, joined, in the shape of my goblet, with Bjorn Erik's Leunig mug, still "making beautiful music together", all appearances to the contrary; this also goes beautifully with the ceiba tree (love-tree) in the Mayan oracle, which now has green crystal (heart-shaped, aventurine) leaves on my altar... Since my cycle of alternative psalms also came around to the prayers of Mani, it brought in Wolf as well (in my medicine wheel this month): "Like the grey wolf I will walk with you..." There is no such thing as a 'lone wolf', as Bjorn Erik liked to tell me; two supposed 'lone wolves' may link up for a little while, to form their own 'mini-pack', and, like all packs, that whole is also more than the sum of its parts... and endures beyond the individuals composing it. 'Blue' days are still emotionally healing, after the harshness of 'white' (more intellectual) days!
"The Ace of Cups is a symbol of possibility in the area of deep feelings, intimacy, attunement, compassion and love. In readings, it shows that a seed of emotional awareness has been planted in your life although you may not yet recognize it. When the seed sprouts, it could take almost any form. It might be an attraction, strong feeling, intuitive knowing, or sympathetic reaction. On the outside, it could be an offer, gift, opportunity, encounter or synchronistic event."
I resonate strangely with these words: my marriage to Bjorn is/was one long "offer, gift, opportunity, encounter or synchronistic event": note italicised keywords, from the Mayan affirmation for today. Radio synchronistically plays "walk with me, hold my hand/don't want to walk alone"; even the "gift" of Russell was also a "seed", in seeming to replicate the synchronicity of the first love of my life, down to the fact that his birthday (7th November) was within a week of Bjorn Erik's (12th November), and they were both Dogs (also sidereal Librans)... Difficult as that may be with my sidereal Pisces, it had to be done - in both cases - and in both cases I have no doubt that our souls contractually orchestrated all of this from the beginning! 'I am loved, even though I do not always recognise it, and I have in fact found my Holy Grail' could well be the revised/paraphrased affirmation for today. Interesting also, on reading re Sebi's card of the Lovers, that the path of physical pleasure is in fact an obstacle to soul growth, and hence the element of "choice" always present in the oft-designed card of Gli Amanti (to put it in pure Florentine Italian, which is also where my angel cup came from, btw!), and this card rightly remains my central focus for this year; Bjorn Erik rightly recognised this element of choice even in the depths of his psychosis, long before I did, and chose accordingly!

Sunday, February 27, 2005

White Rhythmic Wizard: rune-casting in honour of the Discovery of Runes

Here and now rune: "Man", the human, a reminder that while I am member of the whole human family, and therefore share its gifts of creativity and communication, I nevertheless stand existentially on my own two feet as a unique and autonomous individual.

The way to follow: Peorc, the dice-cup or beaker: make the most of what fate deals me (coupled with the Wheel of Fortune, it is bound to be lucky more often than not, especially in games of chance!) and enjoy everything in moderation, from food and wine through to sex! ;-))

Future: Gyfu: a special gift of the goddess (Kali, in this case), a love-relationship, kisses (as in the "xxxs" on a letter)! ;-))

After going to bed on all that auspiciousness last night, I stumbled up, still in the dark, to make my usual first cup of coffee of the day, and my beloved "two Claires" cup (frog and spider) slipped and fell from my nerveless grasp, and off the shelf. That cup meant as much to me as my angel cup from Bjorn Erik in Norway, that fell a week before the Good Friday disaster (come to think of it, this is also in Lent, not that I set my sights any more by the liturgical calendar). And then I find some Yahoo Messenger spammer, from Greece, has left me the message that "arachne" is also Greek: d'uh, like I didn't know that, and usually have to tell people that myself! I miss that cup because, like the angel cup, it was exactly the right size for my wrist, i.e. not too heavy. And it looked good on webcam, in the days when I used to cam. Now both the cups that were in here when I moved in are gone the way of all cups (the first was moved mysteriously off its shelf by Yemaya in the middle of the night, loudly waking me, some time after return from Ballarat). So what does it all mean? Hopefully, on the brighter side, it means that the first Claire has moved on and truly "doesn't live here any more". Either that, or she is "moving in" with a vengeance, and getting mischievous? ;-P

Now, where is that coffee plunger with the little glass cup I used to use in Elsternwick? Don't tell me that didn't make it from Ballarat either? Was that place a black hole of the universe, or what? ;-P

It really seems to have dematerialized, and I was sure I had it with me on return from Ballarat. Realization in morning meditation (this blog was supposed to be all about those, remember?): "sympathy for the devil" - an aching and agonising sense of universal compassion for all beings still trapped on the wheel of brokenness, addiction and attachment to material things, including myself; Dion Fortune also reminds me of this month's qabalistic meditation theme, that these 'things' on the Tree, like the sun-god and the earth-mother, are forces, not things... Miserere, Mani!

And the last line of that post was strangely echoed by the double "miser" I had to put down in response to a Literati bingo bonus and a "hex"; oh, I don't like how this day is turning out already, and want to turn the clock back and go back to bed, or is it just the prospect of yet another weekend without seeing Josh, without seeing anyone, that is getting me down? This rune, Peorc, the dice-cup or beaker, that was supposed to be my 'lucky rune' of the month, is seemingly upended and all the luck is running out... And Hank wanted to know why the number 666 follows me about: because something hangs over me like a curse, as it did over Bjorn Erik? ;-P

Hehe, today's devil came to me in the form of someone called pigeon_patrol (wearing a devil mask), and I kicked his arse, and ended that downward spiral! Finished nicely on "end" too (ah, closure!) ;-))

For some amazing Tarot art work, see and for more general Tarot fun, see which is where I found the above hyperlink, and you can also get cool stuff like your very own Tarot card to paste on your blog! ;-))

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Red Overtone Skywalker

Is this for real? Is this blog really coming to us live from Mongolia, or just from the reaches of "Outer Cyberia"?

Btw, in surfing the blogs today, I have learnt a new blog word: "blogosphere"; it seems that the sum total of all bloggers add to this, just as all minds add to the noosphere, and all living things to the biosphere, and more power to the blogosphere in its totality (a truly Aquarian concept, peculiar to the newly-fledged Age of Aquarius, it seems!) ;-))

Thursday, February 24, 2005

My IQ test results

Congratulations, Claire! Your IQ score is 133!

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions I answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. My Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means I am highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to my creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what they know about me from my test results, hehe!

Three-year-old passes Mensa test

Mikhail Ali is in the top 2% of the population for his age. A three-year-old has become the youngest member of the high IQ group Mensa after taking a series of tests run by psychologists.
Mikhail Ali, from Bramley, Leeds was put through his paces by experts at the University of York.
Mensa spokeswoman Caroline Garbett said: "We have 25,500 members and fewer than 30 are under the age of 10."
Mikhail's mother Shamsun, 26, told the Yorkshire Evening Post: "We knew he was a gifted child."
Ms Garbett said the testing had been carried out independently by psychologists at the university as Mensa do not normally deal with youngsters below the age of 10.
Every day he amazes us, but underneath it all he's still our little boy too
Proud mother Shamsun, quoted by paper.Mikhail undertook a series of tests involving maths, picture and logic puzzles and number sequences.
Mrs Ali added: "Every day he amazes us, but underneath it all he's still our little boy too.
"He still plays with his toys and demands food."
A spokeswoman for the university said they were trying to contact the member of staff who carried out the tests to verify claims that Mikhail has an IQ of 137, putting him in the top two per cent of the population.

Hey, which percentage of the population does that put me in? Cool! I always thought 133 was something of a mediocre IQ ;-))

Connecting to the world of Norwegian blogs

> Gjør som Nemi - Gi skjorta

Found in a Norwegian blog (translation: "Do like Nemi - give your short" [in aid of Sri Lankan charity appeal])

Blue Electric Monkey, galactic activation portal

Now I know what it is about being 'directed' by the art therapist at Gawith Villa, both as a counsellor and a volunteer, that gave me the irrits yesterday: I have never seen her smile! Skilled as she is, and I have much respect for her skills and experience, that undoubtedly kick ass over mine, she is as cold as ice. She seems to have the shrink's 'god-complex' of passing down directives from on high, like Moses' god from Mount Sinai, engraved on tablets of stone: I know best, you don't, I prescribe... Where is the warmth? Where is the empathy? For example, when she asked one of the clients at group art therapy yesterday, "How does doing art make you feel?" (a perfectly valid question in itself), the client hardly had the verbal skills to respond, but I just looked into the client's eyes, met her broad, beaming smile with a broad, beaming smile of my own, and said, "I can see doing art makes you really happy", and therefore felt a more meaningful exchange of communication was accomplished! Maybe I am just more 'Gestalt' than the art therapist is (who tends to be more behavioral, and therefore directive and ice-cold, like Lilith on Frasier! lol) BTW, that is also what makes her 'art therapy' more like an art class than an art group: teachers can have the same 'god-complex' as doctors, and can therefore be more inhibiting to the art process itself, than the warm and mutually supportive atmosphere of an art group, where everyone is allowed to do their own thing, while respecting and encouraging, and constructively criticising, the 'things' of all the others! ;-))

Jane Roe of Roe vs. Wade is now against abortion? What is the world coming to? Which reminds me: relations between me and Dragonsmane distinctly cooled when he came out against abortion; he does not know I have had one, and proud of it, as the best decision at the time, for both me and the unborn (who was incarnated a year later as my son?)... And it would seem that both the Pope and Dragonsmare are liable to the same neo-conservative error of confusing the individual choice/s to abort, with global decisions to conduct holocausts, and warfare in general ;-P

As this year's crop of St Anthony's brides file into the church of Lisbon, the Global Village plays, "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love". Is love a commodity in short supply? Is there too little to go around? Why do we associate "love" only with its institutional forms, and not the myriad of forms outside institutions? I would like Sebi to conduct a poll on this, or else show me how to put a mini-poll on this site: what do you think? Is there too little love to go around? Is that what is wrong with the world? Good freaking question!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

White Lunar Dog, galactic activation portal

OK, I am just posting this to see if it comes out normal, well, whatever 'normal' counts for when Blogspot has just decided that 'normal' for this blog is now this ridiculously small font, and my last post died and went to hell.
Tonight's episode of Wildside was really tragic. Arky Michael beautifully (once again) plays a beautiful, if tragically deranged paranoid schizophrenic. That ring any bells? The doctor did not want to schedule him because he was no danger to anyone in the community: he loved his pigeon, that he had tended from a broken wing. She did however realise that the community (including trigger-happy cops) was a danger to him. Maybe that in itself is a reason for scheduling? Doctor's dilemma: damned if you do, and damned if you don't. It is enough to put anyone on the brink of paranoid schizophrenia, at least ;-P
Woke up today still obsessed with dream fragments of blogs, and envious of those that still had theirs working, unlike mine... That post fiasco yesterday has really upset me, it seems. I wonder if Blogger going 'spazzo', as Sebi put it, is actually a subversive Neurocam intercept for obliquely hinting that Sunday afternoon had been spent on the docklands (grey, windy, bleak, industrial: never been there before), doing something neither illegal, immoral nor fattening with a bunch of other people, hehe! And Dragonsmane's post in egroup about the dawning age of Maat reminded me of the feathers (seagull and pigeon) plastered all along the wire fence there, and how Maat had actually been on my mind... What is truth, indeed?
Won at Trivia yesterday, second time in a row, this time by two points rather than one, i.e. slightly more decisive, and this time making topdog Table 1 wonder seriously if the worm really has turned after their 9-1 winning streak. It was a good day to win too, because Leo and Richard had special prizes in the form of exotic TimTams (I snatched up the truffle-flavored ones, others got coconut or cherry or mint slice)... No longer having to play with that jinx Ray (the 'man in black', but more ominous than Johnny Cash) helped, as did also playing with Eddy, who styles himself as the original 'snag', it seems, during our prolonged chat, until nearly 7 pm, afterwards! Natalie was stunning in her original millinery creation (although she missed the Melbourne Cup by a few months!) and pink tinsel wig; she also got the one Italian question, re tiramisu... I think Eddy and all his friends are gorgeous, and real 'chick magnets', but I don't know if the feeling is mutual; as far as I know, he just thinks I am 'very smart', which usually means intimidating for guys... Wonder if anything will come of the young guy coming off heroin on to methadone who wanted me to be his counsellor, if Sacred Heart can provide a private, safe space for one hour per week... Could have stayed there chatting (it felt strangely more real than an online chatroom, although just as chaotic, with people talking over each other all the time) but had to go home and "shower and slip into something more comfortable" (they all laughed at that one!), and seemed to like some of my other jokes as well... Felt really blessed yesterday, the universe graciously providing and conspiring to fill up my empty bag, with not only exotic TimTams but also Chinese ciggies ("Chungwah, when only the best will do!") and little coconut macaroony-thingies from art group, yum! ;-))

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Blue Crystal Hand ;-))

"Novice chaos magicians begin by obtaining reasonable results, experienced chaos magicians have been known to do achieve what some might consider impossible."
I felt I had to try that last night, just for practice or 'warmups', re the football: I decided to let that be the litmus test re my more serious intention; and Collingwood did win (although it looked nail-bitingly grim there for a while)! That was just for practice in making a sigil, so then, with renewed confidence, I proceeded to another one... ;-))

Friday, February 18, 2005

Red Planetary Serpent

Dream: It is as if Josh and I are in some lovely, small country town, on our way to moving to another one. It is late in the day and we should be moving on; I am getting worried, because I cannot find Josh, and think he has done a runner. I get up from where I waiting by the roadside, and go to check the shops opposite, and he is in there, buying a mass of stationery to do his studies! I am satisfied with that...
Wake up with a happy feeling. Josh is only not contacting me because he is in fact busy with his studies? The idea of a small country town is appealing, like Ballarat, only with the bonus of Josh, and not needing to be separated from him. Wondered if he was in fact let down because I was up there in his hour of need, but judging by the 'happy feeling' of the dream, I think not! ;-))

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Blue Galactic Night

Russell Aggett of Ballarat, aka raggman58 of Yahoo ID, you bastard! You ****ing ****hole! You have the gall to be in a "long-term relationship" already, after I gave my heart and over half my life-savings to pay the bond on your (was supposed to be "our") place, and even then your marital status on your Yahoo profile was still officially "separated"... you bastard! Since then, I am cyberfrigid, my webcam is gathering dust, because I am afraid to be sucked in again by the likes of you... Wonder if your new "long-term relationship" knows this history? Wonder if she knows how you began to take me for granted and vent your spleen on me as soon as I moved up there, which was also when I began to physically fear for my safety? Don't know why I still shed tears over you; you are not worth it, and I look forward only to seeing you rot in hell... which attests only to the depth of the love and the passion I squandered on you in the first place. At least Yahoo cannot touch me, posting here, and therefore I hope you and your "long-term relationship" eventually come across it... Stranger things have happened. I wonder if she has seen/is seeing your true colours yet. I wonder if I will ever my bond back, be reimbursed for the ethernet of which I cannot dispose, or even get back my Chessmaster game! And I still cannot play any cassettes, because you never even got around to replacing the fanbelt on my cassette player, even though you boasted you could 'do that in your sleep'... you, you, you.......there are no words to describe the scum you are!!
P.S. Is she fat? Is fat what really turns you on, as in your dreaded ex? Is fat what really turns you on more than how I "moved" while we made love? I did enjoy being "the skinny one" for a while, whatever you and your fat slob of an ex and her blobby boyfriend think! lol
P.P.S. Or did you and your fat ex and her blobby boyfriend just want to fatten me up for Christmas? Well, in that case, a plague and a pox on you all!! ;-P
P.P.P.S. Good old Aussie therapy, as in the Colony, mate? I would so like to bowl you out for a six!!! lol

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Emerald Hill Art group show, St Kilda Town Hall

“you had a vision of the street
as the street hardly understands”

(For Denise)

yesterday the burning colours
of this burning country (western desert),
now today your more urban visions
explode on my brain

my artist’s hand is numbed into paralysis
so the poetic muse, not quite dead, takes over instead
and it strikes me I have not written
enough stories of my country, either with pen
or brush…spirit of place
is spirit of self, we and the land,
we and the sea, we and the seagulls
on tiny wiener-schnitzel feet, are one

who would have thought to see St Kilda
through the eyes of a tree?
Who would have thought to see even herself
through the eyes of a tree?
Not even the corroboree tree, but one of the
imported foreign devils along the foreshore,
we and the corroboree tree, we and the palmtrees,
we and the iconic goldleaf portals of Luna Park
devouring its children Saturn-like,
even we are one

and Georgia O’Keefe’s immortal floral vulvae
bloom in the desert wasteland of St Kilda Hall

how can we sleep while the pier’s still burning,

Claire Pedersen, 14th February, 2005
Dali, White Resonant Wind, 8 Galactic
Hawk, year of the Blue Crystal Storm

Monday, February 14, 2005

Red Rhythmic Dragon, Silio, 7 Galactic Hawk

Dream fragment: my big quartz crystal [on computer 'altar' as we speak] was half-covered with a horrible brown encrustation...
...So I took it, and the large aventurine, the lapis and the rune-stone (my 'mini-altar') out for a walk, to drink in the burning colours of the burning earth of this burning country at the Colour Power exhibition (if I closed my eyes, maybe the burning colours would not leak out; in any case, they were absorbed by the quartz rock), some works of which were truly stunning, especially Julie Dowling's awesome indigenous portraits with subversive oval text-'frames' in little dots of glitter... and then Akiro Isogawa's amazing spring and summer fashion designs on a cute little paper doll template... and then 'the Andy Zap show' in Federation Square: it was his 4oth birthday apparently, so that makes him a Snake/Capricorn, and he was kind of attractive in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Kel (who turned out to be one of my cyber-duds), and my crystals soaked up the energy of sun, earth, warm grass and laughter... I just felt bad at only offering a couple of lousy bucks at the passing-of-the-hat at the end, because he really was worth more than that, just for the laughs alone! ;-))

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Yellow Overtone Sun

Have sent all my magickal art pics to Yiuk by email: hope he receives them in good order - they did have somewhat of a mind of their own, as magickal pics are wont to do, and the only joint photographic offering, by Sebi and me ("magic finger"), wanted to be sent by special delivery from Outlook Express, as opposed to Hotmail: I had to use the "magic finger" on it just to get it to send at all!
Speaking of which, synchronistically read in Dion Fortune's The Winged Bull (current spiritual reading) this morning:
"After the meal, they returned to the lounge. The fire of logs was blazing brightly, its warm flickering light filling the room but leaving the high gallery in shadow and mystery. (...)in the flickering half-light Ursula Brangwyn made coffee with her electric kettle on the low tabouret at her side, and the two men lay back in their chairs and smoked, and watched her. [Fire elementals again very much with me today: 3 of Wands yields graciously to Ace of Wands, Grandmother Tygress: "the tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction", William Blake!]
"Brangwyn rose and fetched a portfolio, and, opening it, gave Murchison a handful of watercolour sketches. 'These may amuse you', he said, 'they are the fruit of my travels.'
"Murchison bent down to bring the portfolio within the narrow circle of light thrown by the shaded reading-lamp, and began to look through them. They were studies of Egypt, but not the vivid poster-colours of the pictures in the children's books upstairs, but Egypt seen through the haze of time that gave the imagination a place to work. The shadowy temples, half-seen in twilight or veiled in sun-glare, caught at his imagination. The forgotten splendour of that civilization was all about him, and sorrow at its irreparable loss took him by the heart. [The blues are the only possible background soundtrack for reciting gnostic/Manichaean hymns at the impermanence of everything!] It seemed as if they lived in a dead world today, and could only remember ancient glories that were no more. The shades of the prison-house had closed about them; the great gods had departed and the temples were empty and desolate. He felt he would give his soul to see Horus mount the morning with the wings of a hawk [This month's galactic totem!] and to hear the boom of the Kephra beetle in the dusk. These things were the gods to him, and the orthodoxy of today was stale, flat and unprofitable.
"'These will also interest you', said Brangwyn, handing him another portfolio, and he recognised the strange step-temples of Yucatan, festooned with creepers and jungle-weed.
"'Do you see the likeness of the two styles of architecture?' asked Brangwyn, and Murchison (...) saw that the architecture of the New World seemed to be an archaic version of the architecture of ancient Egypt." (pp. 64-5)
"I empower in order to enlighten,Commanding life. I seal the matrix of universal fire/With the overtone tone of radiance."

Also, advice to fellow bloggers, courtesy Torquato Tasso, mad poet in the The Death and Life of Miguel Cervantes, by Stephen Marlowe: "First, never try to be funny. Humour is out. Readers think reading's a serious business. Take Rabelais, he was bawdy and witty, so was Boccaccio most of his life, and who'll read them two, three hundred years from now? Or Ariosto - thought he could get away with lampooning perfect gentle knights and damsels in distress. Ha! Guaranteed way to the boneyard." (p. 71)

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Blue Self-Existing Storm

How come the best thing I have to blog today, is that I just discovered Prahran Mission? Sebi was going there to do the Blokes' Cooking course, and the artists' cafe seemed to be one of the better kept secrets of Prahran. After getting over the shock of being asked if I was "unwell" (well, OK, apart from the "general malaise of the human condition", as Sebi very tactfully and existentially replied), I couldn't resist the lure of the 'real', i.e. face to face Scrabble table, and received the double bonus of not only being told I did not seem to have a bona fide 'mental illness' (lol!), and holding my own on a multiplayer table ;-)) How come I come home and get the arse whipped off me in Literati (again), after sharing the online tricks of the trade face to face? lol

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Yellow Magnetic Owl/Warrior

Omg, this is a Whale of a blog, and to die for! Surely also inspiration for Sebi's creative writing, and/or multimedia extravaganzas? Very much a synchronicity, given that Whale has swum into my medicine wheel this Galactic moon!! ;-))

Julia and I concocted an original joke between us at art group today:
Q. What do you get when you cross El Greco with Salvador Dali?
A. El Salvador!
Well, we thought it was funny, anyway, and we thought Dali himself might appreciate it too!

And maybe I pooh-poohed the idea of the "shadow fear" of the Age of Aquarius (aka. age of cyber-geekdom) as the haunting idea of a big centralised "Big Brother" controlling everything (Leo as the shadow side of Aquarius) as being real, too lightly: in the Jim Lehrer Newshour tonight, when they were talking about this year's Superbowl, and how squeaky-clean and family-friendly it was after last year's Janet Jackson "wardrobe mishap", there was mention of a "Big Brother" keeping even the advertisers in check... ;-P

Omg, what can I say? This is "real reality TV", history being relived and rewritten(?) as we speak... The Colony on SBS, 7:30 pm... Between two groups of English and Irish "settlers", with allotted convicts, and the Koori camp (the convicts feeling powerless to have any say in major decisions, the Irish and the Kooris, and some convicts, naturally bonding - but even the English settler women as well, entertaining 'neighbourly' relations, in the treasonous name of 'common law')... Omg, I am so moved, I am almost in tears, cannot marshal my thoughts... This country could have been an Eden... The relations between them were originally so harmonious, despite their differences. The Aboriginal bloke, actually from up Nambucca Heads way in Queensland, but now transplanted to the Hawkesbury area, NSW, impressed me, how he knew the sacredness of the local mountain, and felt it calling him, though he didn't know why; and the rare remaining speaker of the original Dhurak language, Irish-Aboriginal, showing him a cairn of stones piled up by indigenous families in the area; when the indigenous bloke from Nambucca Heads asked if he might respectfully place a stone representing his family, the Dhurak said he would be honoured: it was so moving, reminding me of my own piling up stones in the Christ Church, Bergen, asking to be given a place there... And then all groups banding together, despite their differences, to burn the proclamation of NSW governor, Philip Gidley King, that no settler was allowed to fraternize or maintain friendly neighbourly relations with the Koori people, at risk of their government stores (at the time, it would have been at risk of their lives)... And then the Koori people mysteriously "going walkabout" anyway, in search of somewhere quieter and more peaceful, to the puzzlement of all the other settlers... The women sitting down and making flags together, at the invitation of the Koori women, the Koori women an Aboriginal flag, in memory of their "troubles", the English (anachronistically) a Eureka flag, the Irish (more historically) a green flag with a yellow harp on it, the kids playing and bonding together... Such a vision of what this country could have been? Well done, SBS, for the best "reality", historical/sociological TV ever! *almost in tears* ;-))

Omg, the conservative evangelical Christians in the USA want to set up a "theocracy" (in a video never meant to be released to the general public), although they will not want to tell you this; what they will want to tell you is that "America has always been a Christian country", which somehow sounds more acceptable, and resonates with most Americans. But is their secret avowed agenda of "theocracy" really so different to that of the mullahs of Iran? Although some go far as to compare "Allah" to a pagan god, associated with the crescent moon, and therefore some kind of moon god... AS IF Allah = THOTH!!! Tell that to your devout Muslim...
;-P What disturbs me is the evangelization of countries like Guatemala is accompanied by a burgeoning of billboards for Pepsi and McDonald's. They are truly "selling" salvation through a system of tithes. Thank you, SBS, for truly eye-opening TV! ;-P

Yellow Magnetic Owl/Warrior

I recommend reading to the end of Private Eyes by Jonathan Kellerman as aversion therapy for all homophobes!
Two weeks ago, the Christian Coalition, Family Research Council, and Focus on the Family began attacking cartoon characters like SpongeBob SquarePants in 'educational' videos to tell us what's"wrong" with gay relationships, gay love.
It's easy to get discouraged by the ever more fanatical attacks. But there's good news, too: nearly 60 percent of Americans believe that GLBT relationships deserve legal protection. And just last week, the New York state court ruled that same-sex couples must be allowed to marry.
Yay!! Wtg, NY!!!
"I unify in order to question, Attracting fearlessness. I seal the output of intelligence With the magnetic tone of purpose."

Monday, February 07, 2005

White Crystal Wizard ;-))

I did my meta-blogging for today in the form of attending a St Kilda Writers' Festival panel/forum on blogging. It did not satisfactorily answer all my meta-blogging questions, but, hey, that means the questions were worth asking, right? And won't go away, as philosophical issues... even if this blog was seriously in danger of turning into a meta-/linkblog! Sebi and I did manage however to spawn a baby blogger between ourselves: giving away our blogspot addresses felt like a new form of autographing session, or converting a new proselyte, and he did have the gleam of newly-converted fervor in his eye! ;-))
What I was worried about yesterday and today was whether my personality has changed in the past month or so, although I know, psychologically speaking, that personalities don't change in a hurry, as they are, by definition, clusters of traits that remain stable over time, and are not due to disease, injury, accident, altered states or whatever. The 'change' I was worried about was from when I was first online (1997-8), when I felt bubbly, charismatic, extroverted, and people seemed to like that, which means they also understood and related to it. Lately, there have been fewer and fewer people online (or even face to face) who have understood me, let alone liked my style, and I don't feel the content of my communications has changed all that much; well, maybe it has, but whatever... I began to wonder if the world itself had changed since then, and in many ways, the climate of the world, politically and in other ways, has changed since 1997-8: it seems fear itself has been culturally and politically invented since then, and now people don't like it when I go into a 'political rant', cos they can no longer be counted on to share my views, even in a supposedly liberal forum... As liberal stronghold Oregon itself has changed from what it was, to closing its mind against the very idea of gay marriage! So the world has changed, and I now fit into it even less than I did before! I was worried about developing serious social anxiety, both online and offline. The webcam and mike are now gathering dust. I don't even feel like meetups any more, since my not so excellent adventure yesterday, let alone 'entertaining' on webcam. And social anxiety can lead, in its extreme, to paranoid psychosis... But I don't think I am that out of touch with reality yet!
The best thing I could do for myself today was spend some time out in the sun (yes, the sun is shining in Melbourne again!) reading my beloved Kellerman: a 'new' one, to me, I haven't yet read... And very therapeutic it was, as it is one of his more therapeutic (less police-based) ones, Private Eyes. I wonder if Jonathan Kellerman is actually fulfilling the role of mentor or supervisor to me as a counsellor; he certainly fulfils the role of older, wiser, more experienced therapist. And just when I was worried if I would be any use as a counsellor to my one client at all, he gives me answer! The magic happens when the client is allowed to take control for him/herself, and even, or especially when, the counsellor feels they are doing very little, and possibly should be more directive or intervening, the client comes up and surprises them with the announcement that the magic has happened! The magic consists only in the counsellor being there, and providing full, undivided attention for one hour, while the client runs the show; they are a team, with the client figuring out the answers in their own time, and the counsellor simply reassuring them that they are doing very well. Just witnessing the client healing him/herself is incidentally healing for the counsellor as well, as 'wounded healer' archetype, who is only there in that role because they have successfully weathered at least one personal crisis themselves, and can therefore show a minimum of empathy. See A Course In Miracles pamphlet on "Psychotherapy..."!
I know today's blog entry is long, and self-indulgent, but today I am 'erring' on the traditional, diary side of blogging only to please myself, ok? And if people who may chance to read this blog do not even bother writing comments, then I will continue to write only for myself, as is the function of a regular diary, until further notice, ok? As opposed to catering to the needs of a mass audience with the attention spans of fleas! lol

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Best overall Aussie blog? Hmm, there is something in that for all of us, especially linkbloggers? Sebi? lol Very, very nice NSW entrant, imho: shame it got pipped at the post by that silly Darpism "politricks" thingy! ;-P Skip straight to "retrospective" post and you will find, imho, the finest piece of futuristic sci fi writing ever; how did she manage to 'foresee' past 2012? Or am I blinkered by my neo-Mayan specs? lol Is there a category for "futuristic sci fi" in the Bloggies?
I guess Bloggies time makes linkbloggers of us all; move over, Oscars and Logies: it's Bloggies time!!! lol Makes a good point about the anarcho-stupidist! ;-))
A Whole Lotta Nothing kicked arse in both the Victorian and overall Aussie categories? Go, Victorian bloggers!!! Yay!!! Omg, and the author is going to be on a panel at the St Kilda Writers' Festival? Maybe talking about blogging? Let's go, Sebi! *squeezing $12 out of last of budget* Omg, must remember to send link for "Battle between Mammal and Cephalopod" to wyrd_crossings list! ;-))
Stuff it, I will do it now, seeing as I just lost the link to the rest of the Aussie bloggies! lol
Best ACT blog is Interesting concept of collaborative blogs, to reinforce the participatory nature of the net? "Meat friends", as in face to face friends, is also a new concept? Would she love my "yay" in the paragraph above? lol Don't underestimate this one: she has a "loyal readership in the United Arab Emirates"! lol lol also @"Flute having his faith in blogging restored by - of all things - watching bad telly." Most quotable quote so far is from this one: "Over Christmas, at Mum's, I was having some face time at the laptop in the dining room one night. She walked past and asked smiling 'What do you call someone who's addicted to it?' Duffer that I am, it took me a while to work it out. A blogger." lol!, ACT runner-up, also looks very cool, and crazybrave thought this would shoo it in, with appropriate winner's modesty! Nice graphic, Teej (not for the herpetophobic, Sebi!) ...But what's with the spelling of porn as pr0n? Sweet jebus, save us all! (Suitably pious thought for Sunday? lol) Puts a new spin on the "winning prize, a variation on the Penguinatron", lol! For some reason, reminds me of the Monty Python 'exploding lounge room': "What's that on the telly?" "A penguin." "What's it doing?" "Just standing!" lol The penguin cartoon is funny, too! ;-)
Speaking of crazy animal blogs: best NT blog You can truly judge a nation by its favorite blogs? Or a nation gets the blogs it deserves? You gotta love a nation that has a web server called however, makes you kind of proud to be breathing the same air as Steve Irwin - at least I did seriously crave to re-breathe that air as an expat, the closest I ever got to homesickness while abroad ...Mind you, the last one, the ACT one about the penguinatron is kind of a hard act to follow: I can't get "dirty animals" out of my mind, and am flashing back to the Norwegian English-language comedy sketch, "More dirty animals, please", as we speak! Ahem, so what is the 'dirt' on armadillos? A bad Cary Grant movie? Well, that'll learn you for being insomniac and watching those old B-grade movies ABC shows to the faint-hearted insomniacs late at night, lol! (What pisses me off about this site is it is one of those where you have to be registered to comment directly.) Sorry, sniffing Armadillo, despite your cute pic, I still prefer the foregoing: just call me a lowlife, Victorian smuthead! lol
Best SA blog Speaking of "more dirty animals", yes, why not bring on the watchdogs? Now I really am showing my true colours as a smug Victorian in sneering at anything from SA (with the possible exception of a half-decent red) . Unfortunately I am too mobile-phone-challenged to SMS and vote anyone out, lucky for you! lmao Another quotable quote, from acceptance speech: "I would like to thank the wankers of the world for providing me with so much inspiration.I would also like to thank all those that voted for me", lol! If that is not kickback, Aussie, larrikin humor at its finest, I don't know what is! lmao @ "And because I am gracious in victory, I would like to say .....IN YOUR FACE, DOGFIGHTATBANKSTOWN " With disclaimer in tiny italics: "*Not really. I enjoy reading DogfightatBankstown. You should go there and enjoy him too." You gotta love the Rudd blow-up doll as well. Admires the doggy loyalty of anyone who can remain loyal to Lathers, while putting their money on "Kath Day-Night lookalike, Julia Gillard". If there is a canine website where dogs can be people too (see my own pic!), this is it! Seriously though, aching as my sides are, I think the author has taken the article "How to Blog" a little too seriously! Seriously though, too, how come one of the links of this site leads back to Teej Mahal (now we know one of their true identities?) lol
Damn, and now I really have lost my link to the rest of the 'best' Aussie blogs, and Tassie, WA and Qld were still to come! ;-P
Best overall winner? Oh,well, at least it is still Victorian! (Man, this bloggies site is hard to navigate, and decidedly un-user-friendly!) Omg, this bitch gives you so many reasons to hate her, I hate her already (Victorian or not)!! Should I brave the elements and go for a Big Day Out myself, right now? "I love that every time I won there's some paragraph about how I actually should have lost but preferences tipped me over the edge. I am so the living blog embodiment of Family First right now." Scary, non? Really time to go out and brave the elements for a Big Day Out, to escape this kind of crazy-making **** ;-P


Yikes, so many blogs to read in striving for blog excellence, so little time, so little time in fact, to do blogging of one's own? It's going to be a long, sleepless Red Skywalker night? Better go shower first, and settle in... Which gives me the idea to turn this into a blogging exercise of my own after all, and briefly review a sample of each one! ;-))

The best UK blogs (as per the Guardian)
Bacon, Cheese and Oatcakes Fellow pagan's blog: nice account of northern hemisphere Imbolc ritual! ;-))
Honestly I'm Sober Whinging Pommy git - abandon hope, all smokers who enter here: he hates our guts! lol Nice graphic of desktop-in-progress, though ;-))
GreenFairy Beautifully written, witty: 5 stars for literary excellence, in my books (or at least blog)!!! ;-))
Gina Snowdoll's Eeeeeks! It's a blog! Have patience with this one: it does get better, after you get past the fact that this one likes all kinds of music, country AND western! She might have won a "queerie award" for best transgendered blog when hers was the only one around, she reckons, but now that she has self-confessedly got bored with transgendered issues, she might just get one on her own merits. Nice pic, in the manner of Alphonse Mucha, even. I do wonder...if she hates butterflies, does she prefer spiders? ;-))
Call Centre Confidential Another 5-star for literary excellence, and wit: this one is hilarious, and offers a valuable insight into the (still) working world for those of us who have been out of the workforce for some time. What is this girl doing working in a call centre? I know it is good material and all that, but any job would provide good material for her! A deservedly popular site ;-))
Bridget Who? Brilliant! Could be made into a British sitcom to rival the best of 'em, and probably will be one day. *going to bed depressed at all the literary excellence around, I can hardly hope to equal!* ;-P
********************************************************************************* Interesting, thoughtful, reflective essay on weblog functionality, balancing the needs of a linklog (like my friend Sebi's), with loads of photos and social interactivity, to the more conservative, 'diary' format of one like mine, from a software point of view, most of which was over my head! lol (I can hear my sainted grandfather sighing, "And the higher they fly, the fewer", sometimes cryptically abbreviated to "And the higher!" Can just see that as a favorite quote on a Yahoo profile, if he had one, lol!) But it is interesting, and we should all take a long hard look at ourselves and our blogs, and ask, "What is my blog for?" and where can those needs be better met elsewhere, if they need to be met elsewhere? To be honest, I would like more photos etc on my profile (my only uploaded photos are lost in the archives somewhere), but I am not enough of a superblogger yet to even know how to upload a photo url to my profile, and even my superblogger friend Sebi would like to be enlightened on this (!); on the other hand, I am content with only moderate interactivity, i.e. room for people to post comments only, as my needs for social interactivity are better met elsewhere (egroups, chatrooms, games rooms, not to mention the old face to face, lol!). My own blog decided this, in its own 'wisdom', by chewing up and spitting out a chatterbox from its html (I drink Java in the morning, html/decaf in the evening! lol) ;-))
It's Wrong to Wish on Space Hardware Moving tribute to fellow bloggers, including Lynn's, with which this mini-review began (and she was the only one so far thoughtful enough so far to email me a response to my comment!), from being inspired by Iraqi books and bloggers, to the moment of the glory in the Guardian! What was that Guardian link again, Lynn or Sebi, if you are reading this? There are some nice people out there in cyberspace, contrary to the popular myth, and the UK's loss is Hanoi's gain... Tiny global village, isn't it? Unfortunately, I could not see where to post a comment directly on his blog, so that is a tiny flaw: constructive suggestion in the interests of user-friendliness? ;-))
UK Blogs Aggregator Yikes, too many to even consider visiting right now...I want to eventually see some blogs from the rest of the world! lol Guide to the bloggerati Interesting definition: "Definition: Derived from the term literati, the word bloggerati refers to the A-List bloggers (or popular/celebrity bloggers) in the blogging community", but I propose to expand this definition to include anyone who aspires to be one of the bloggerati: going to update my profile now, to this effect! Is that a new meme? lol
Bjorn Erik and I always wanted to take a round the world tour in liqueur coffees in a particular cafe in Bergen that specialised in these; little did I know I would one day be doing this in blogs, instead! So where shall I go today? Stay tuned and find out: perhaps a little closer to home, my own backyard? ;-))

Friday, February 04, 2005

Blue Solar Monkey ;-))

Virgo rising horoscope:
"Could it be that you have fallen in love, and are even considering committment? Your internal thoughts are creating quite a stir these days especially between the 2nd and 25th when you are feeling the effects of LOVE IN THE AIR! And BEWARE!! No need to rush into things, if it's real, it won't go away overnite. Savor this awesome time of lusty passion, silly banter, and childish laughter. You deserve to allow your inner child to be visible to the world. Your practical, logical and rational nature hasn't gone anywhere, promise. After the 25th you return to earth with a deeper understanding of how 'crazy' love truly is. Spiritual Blessing: When you allow yourself to be free and open to LOVE; Love finds you."

I needed this, just when there seems to be anything but "love in the air" on the Witches of Melbourne egroup! ;-P

Interesting that I just get this horoscope after doing morning meditation at Sebi's beautiful Buddha altar, with his Crowley Tarot... and one of the cards I ended up with was the 2 of Cups, aka. 2 of Hearts! *sigh* Another card I ended up with was the Tower, so I expect that the real love of my life remains Bjorn Erik, and he hasn't gone away anywhere... The 'nude webcam' thing may have been a bit of a folly and an embarrassing aberration, but it may also have been my response to feeling some of these energies? Anyway, on days like today, Monkeys just want to play and have fun, and it's good to see the sun out again too, after the wild, wet night we had last night, which tore summer branches off the plane trees all along the Avenue! ;-P The streetlights shining through the wet branches were pretty last night: it made them look kind of Christmassy, even if it did also unseasonally chill me to the bone! ;-P

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The Inner Meaning of Lammas down under ;-))

After a dream in which I crashed a car (another car side-swiped me), i.e. a dream of being really out of control, as all negative car-dreams are for me, and the Lammas Sabbath portals being thin all night, until I managed to oversleep this morning:

"Life appears powerless
now that it no longer has youth
to help it endure
the fiery love of God."

Mechtild of Magdeburg

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Lammas invocation

Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Analysis by Linda Sue Grimes, Classic Poetry Aide

Dylan Thomas’ father had been a robust, militant man most of his life, and when in his eighties, he became blind and weak, his son was disturbed seeing his father become “soft” or “gentle.” In the poem Thomas is rousing his father to continue being the fierce man he had previously been.

A villanelle is a French poetic form that originally served as a vehicle for pastoral, simple, and light verse. That Thomas would employ that form for the subject of death enhances the irony of beseeching a dying person to rage. No doubt the poet also chose this form because of the repetition of the important lines, “Do not go gentle into that good night” and “Rage, rage against the dying of the light” and because of the tight formal structure of the form. The subject matter which is the command to the father not to accept death so easily lends itself to the dichotomy of “day” and “night” which become somewhat symbolic for “life” and “death” in the poem.

Each of the six stanzas has uniformity and a specific purpose:
Stanza 1: The first line is a command, “Do not go gentle into that good night.” Paraphrased, “Don’t give up easily.” The second line offers the speaker’s belief that even when old and infirm, the man should stay energetic and even bitch and whine if necessary as long as he does not give in to death easily. Then line three again is a command, “Rage, rage against the dying of the light”: Fight, complain, rail against the oncoming of death.

Omg, Brian on Queer as Folk, dragging himself across the finish line of the Liberty Ride 2004, is the dying sun god of Lammas?! ;-)

Yellow Rhythmic Star

Now I know what it is I hate about January, and even more so about February, down under, and why I found it the peak time for depression, in my past experience: it is not the temperature, I don't mind that... ;-)) It is the light ebbing away. Has anyone else noticed that, after December and for all our daylight savings time, we are entering the "dark half" of the year already? It is already the middle of the night when you wake at 6 am. In Norway, it was of course still cold and snowy (I didn't mind that, because I also love snow!) but whereas December was miserable and dark (hence the need for Yule), January, while still snowbound, was light, bright, and getting lighter and brighter... So I think this Lammas (1 Feb.) I will be thinking not so much about harvest and thanksgiving (I am not living on the land), as about the sun god beginning his descent into the underworld of darkness, insanity and death, and mourning the dying of the light, seems more the way to go for me...
Btw, in meditation yesterday, both cards I ended up with tied in qabalistically with Venus (the "yellow rhythmic star" of today's title): the Moon (which connects earth and Venus on the Tree) and the Wheel (which connects Venus and Jupiter), so it should be another good day for art today ;-))
In last night's dream, it is as if I am on sort of a big camp, and having to drive to get around, feeling barely in control, and then people are talking about me, saying I just talk, don't listen... which hurts, but that is because I am feeling guilty for having to talk compulsively at my mum's and stay 'upbeat', otherwise having to see her to maintain any contact at all will get me down? Anyone who knows me on Messenger or even Literati will know I don't always talk, sometimes I can be quite the hermit... But also, I didn't listen all that well to my mum, because I can't even remember the dream she shared, although it also took place in my grandmother's house (!), because I wasn't that interested... ;-P

Hermgirl's Tarot Blog Ring
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